Dear Kurosaki Kun
by Tayomi Sakuri
Summary: "Dear Kurosaki-Kun..." A series of letters from the Bleach cast to our favourite Substitute Shinigami :D Extreme randomness included! DISCLAIMER:Very,very,VERY strong Orihime-hate.Written by me and XxHibirdxX
1. Inoue Orihime

**DISCLAIMER: **We do not own Bleach or any of the characters in this FanFiction. THey belong to their rightful owners (Tite Kubo). No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

**

**Dear Kurosaki-kun,**

Love of my life,  
It is with a heavy heart that I leave you, but i fear that if I do not sacrifice myself for you, many evil things may befall you...

Despite all my reluctance to leave, it is to my sweetest desire that you are kept alive. Therefore I had no choice but to go to Huenco Mundo, where the world will encircle l'Aizen sama! Please forgive me for abandoning you behind with Rukia... You must have felt so alone and afraid without me and my love. Oh! My tears... how I wish I was full of gall and took her life, and saved you from her evil clutches!

I gazed upon the much hated witch Rukia who stole your heart from me and was prepared to end her cursed life. I saw a dagger before mine eyes and I wanted to clutch it badly, however so badly. But, her violet eyes burned into my soul when she saw me approach, and I dropped the dagger of death. I dropped to my knees and wept. I cried with so much woe, so much sorrow at having failed in my mission, and my heart throbbed and ached for what you had to suffer because of her. Because of my cowardice. Because of ME. My plans had come to naught because I was too soft, too full of the milk of human kindness! And it is this folly that has landed you in the state that you are in, under the spell of that witch. If only I could make up for this dreadful deed... I would do anything in the world to prove my affections for you! It would not matter even if I had to kill, and that blood would stain my hands, that the world comes to an end, for the only thing that matters to me in this world, Ichigo, is YOU.  
Fair is fair and foul is foul. I hail you, my sweet dearest, but even my love cannot overwhelm Rukia's heinous spells over you. I cry for you, my prince but it seems that there is naught that I can do to save your heart and soul. For now.

I bid you farewell! While you go and save our dear hometown Karakura town, I shall sit here and wait for you and pray for you and your love.

I fear for you, Kurosaki-kun (and Karakura Town too, but nothing means as much to me as you, of course), please return swiftly so that I may, once more, be locked in your warm and loving embrace.

Goodbye. Kurosaki-kun!

With all my love,  
Inoue Orihime

**

* * *

**

Ichigo's reply:

I think I'm hallucinating. Perhaps I didn't sleep enough... *stares at his dark eye circles*

**Author's Note:  
**

We were learning Macbeth in school when we wrote this, so there's a bit of *coughs* influence from the Scottish Play

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please review! Thanks! :D


	2. Ishida Uryuu

**Dear Kurosaki-kun,**  
(Wait why am I calling you that?)

*Cancels out the previous line*  
DEAR KUROSAKI,

*Cancels out previous line*  
**KUROSAKI ICHIGO:**

I would appreciate it if you would stop stealing the spotlight from me and my fellow shinigamis have taken up far too much screen time to be of anymore interest to my wonderful audience.

As you can see, we Quincies are full of pride, and we have much more honour and dignity than a mere SHINIGAMI. Unlike you, we fight using our wits. And our arrows. Which are infinitely better than those pieces of iron you call swords. I believe that as a Quincy, which is an extremely rare sight in today's world (thereby making us an endangered species of animal *cancels out the last five words* the eighth wonder of the spiritual world), I deserve more screentime than you. I would give our audience much more to be excited about and have them truly enjoy the show, instead of letting them watch your overly dramatic revivals over and over again. I believe that the audience is sick and tired of watching you fall and die repeatedly, only to have some slap-stick miracle save you and help you get up on your feet to "protect those you want to protect". Are all Shinigamis as weak and "poetic" as you are? I'm surprised that they still exist in this world. If we hadn't been betrayed, we Quincies would have overtaken the spiritworld as the ultimate enforcers of the law, not you Shinigamis.

On my pride as the second-last Quincy, I can hereby swear and promise that I would bring an even better and more exciting show to the audience. I would not need your melodramatic revivals. I would not need you uncivilized stick banging. I would not need dramatic lines. I would not need a choreographer to teach me how to dance. I would provide countless spectacular battles, complete with pyrotechnics and fabulous costumes designed by yours truly, with none of that rubbish you call "drama". We quincies are proud and dignified people, and we only believe in giving the best and most outstanding performances to our audience, not any of those Shakespearen lines you vomit out like water while waving your sticks in the air. My Quincy costume is infinitely better than your plain, drab and ugly Shinigami robes. And we both know that I'm stronger and more popular with the fangirls than you. With more screentime, I believe that I would have been the one to defeat Ulquiorra not you. You were injured so badly that it took some miracle from Inoue's voice to save you. I save myself, unlike you. And I have stylish weapons to boot.

So yes, I deserve more screentime. Please get off the screen and let me have my much-deserved limelight.

Without any love and full of hate,  
Ishida Uryuu

* * *

**Ichigo's reply:**  
-.- -.- -.- I have nothing to say. *crumples paper and tosses it away*

* * *

**Authors' Note:  
**Hm... This was kinda fun to write :D  
I doubt we're the only ones who feel that Ishida's screen time has been cut down drastically. He used to appear really often during the show, but now he doesn't appear much T.T He's quite special XD  
Thanks for reading! Please review and hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	3. Chad

**Chad's letter:**

Dear Kurosaki-kun (or Ichigo),

Thanks for being such a great friend to me and always being there for me. Like my abuelo always told me, we should always trust and have faith in our friends. Rest assured that I will do my best to help you regain your Shinigami powers.

Your friend,  
Chad

**

* * *

**

Ichigo's reply:

*tear slides down his cheek*  
You're so nice Chad... you're the first person to ever write such a nice letter to me...  
I'm so touched... THANK YOUUUUU T.T *happy tears*


	4. Kuchiki Byakuya

**Byakuya's letter:**

Dear Kurosaki-kun,

*Throws away paper and takes out a fresh sheet* (what a perfectionist -.-)

Dear Kurosaki Ichigo,

Re: Request for you to stay away from members of the Kuchuki family

I would appreciate if you would be so kind as to oblige to my following requests:

1. Stay away from the Kuchiki manor  
2. Stay away from Kuchiki Rukia  
3. Stay out of my sight at all times

As you may know, the Kuchiki family is one of the four noble families, and we have to be careful of the companions that we are with, for fear of irreversibly damaging the family's reputation. You, as one of the infamous ryoka who infiltrated soul society, is one of the things that is capable of doing this and permanently scarring our clean reputation. Therefore I urge you, for both my sake and yours, to stay away from me, my manor and my little sister.

Although most of soul society has hailed you as a "hero" for defeating Aizen, I myself do not believe so, and I do not want to take the risk of endangering the reputation of the Kuchiki Household just to "get all chummy with you". And I absolutely do not believe that you defeating Aizen calls for a need for everyone to hail you a hero. I believe that you won through a combination of luck, naivety and help from Kurosaki Isshin the ex-captain, a.k.a. your father. If I were there in Karakura Town (and not stuck in Huenco Mundo trying to shake some stupid espada with less wit than you have skill off my behind), I could have defeated Aizen in half the time that you did, and with much more grace and skill that is befitting of a shinigami (and of a Kuchiki). And without losing my powers at the end of the day like you did. And I would dress Aizen's corpse up in a seaweed ambassador suit, so that no one has to see the short work I have done of him (us Kuchikis are so honourable and selfless; we sacrifice our own minds and souls for the sake of soul society, so that no one else has to go through the suffering of seeing a disemboweled butterfly covered in blood and sakura petals).

Besides this, I find you to be a very disrespectful and insolent popinjay. As a captain, I should be addressed respectfully as "Captain Kuchiki", and not "Byakuya" or "Bya-kun" or "onee-san", etc. . I do not care if you are only a substitute shinigami and you don't believe that the usual rules apply to you. Although some of the more slack captains may allow you to call them by their first names, you are sorely mistaken if you think that the same applies for me. You would do well to learn some respect, Kurosaki, or you will regret the next time you address me as "Byakuya" again.

On top of that, I also find little sister Rukia to be acting especially odd lately. Despite all your allegations that you treat Rukia as merely a "friend", I do not believe that your relationship with her is really so simple. How am I to know that her frequent outings back to the real world are all as she says, "missions from Captain Ukitake"? How am I to know that when she locks herself up in her room, she is not writing love letters to you? How am I to know that the last time she went to the human world of Renji, she was buying that disgusting yellow and orange tie for you for valentine's day? I know, Ichigo, I know it all.

Once again, Kurosaki Ichigo, let me warn you: stay away from me and my sister, or I shall make you wish that you were never born.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,  
Kuchiki Byakuya

**

* * *

**

Ichigo's reply:

Bloody stalker. Rukia's gonna kill you when I show her your letter, because that tie was for you -.-

* * *

**Author's Note:  
**Sorry for the late updates T.T School's been extremely busy for us both.  
Can't exactly say "Thank god it's the holidays!" since the holiday is only a week long and we have 6 projects and tons of homework to complete.  
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter :D Please review and stay tuned! Thank you :D


	5. Abarai Renji

Sixth Division Headquarters  
Soul Society  
Abarai Renji  
Vice-Captain of the Sixth Division

**Dear Kurosaki-Kun,**  
*What? Why am I saying this? And I have to follow Captain Kuchiki's style...* *angrily crosses it out* (this is the proper format)

ICHIGO!  
You LOUSY, INCOMPETENT (I learnt this word from Captain Kuchiki) USELESS SUBSTITUTE SHINIGAMI!  
How can you get so much skren time when you can't even use Kido? You are so week, even the koi in Captain Kuchiki's koi pond can defeat you!  
Unlike you, I, Abarai Renji, Vice-Captain of the 6th Division, am much more capable than that!

Not only are my Kido skeells far more infeeriur than yours, I can even tweak it around and use it for purposes besides battle. When we entered Hueco Mundo, I used my amazing Kido skills to light our way through the tunnel. I know it was a small light. I know you were all laffing at me. But let me tell you this. IT WAS ON PURPOSE. I, after considering all possibeelitys of what could happen if I let loose all my raw, insane power and cast the Hado spell with too much force, decided to limit my energy to produce the insufficient light to light our way through the tannel.  
As for my amazing swordsmanship, my Zabimaru beats your Zangetsu any day! My Zabimaru looks so cool and it's shape is so COOL and it is basically way cooler than yours. Unlike your Zangetsu, which looks so ordinary, ugly and plain and UNCOOL, like a giant froot knife! My Zabimaru is so much cooler and so much more powerful and cool! If I had more skreentime, I would have the chance to display my Zabimaru's amazing abilities. You took more than two episodes to defeat Ulquiorra... Now if the directors let me do the job, I would've finished him off in less than an episode! Less than 10 mins! Unlike you!

Most importantly, I don't get why you have so many fangirls. When I'm so much cooler than you. I deserve more fangirls than you!

All in all, I Abarai Renji, Vice-Captain of the 6th Division, am much more capable than you, Kurosaki Ichigo, the useless Substitute Shinigami. I have said my piece. I will beat you up and elope with Rukia (how do you put a strike through o.o) the next time I see you.

Yours Truly,  
Abarai Renji

**Ichigo's Reply:**  
Of course the battle between you and Ulquiorra would take less than 10 minutes... Because you would've been killed by then .  
And what a WIDE range of vocabulary and nice spelling there, Renji.


	6. Kuchiki Rukia

**Part 1**

Dear Kursoaki-kun,

On behalf of the Seaweed Ambassador Fan Club I would like to sincerely thank you for saving the Seaweed Ambassador from onee-san's clutches (if he got hold of it he would surely skin him and use the holy seaweed ambassador's skin to do evil things, like wrap Aizen in it or something) by personally defeating Aizen yourself. As such, you have the deepest thanks of the Seaweed Ambassador Fan Club, and we are forever in your debt for saving the Seaweed Ambassador.

Kuchiki Rukia  
President  
Seaweed Ambassador Fan Club

* * *

**Ichigo's reply:**  
You have no idea how close you are to the truth...

* * *

**Part 2  
**  
Dear Kurosaki-kun,

Thank you for helping me pick out that lovely tie for onee-san the other day (*refer to Byakuya's letter*). He was so delighted that he immediately rushed into his room when he received it, probably to try it on privately or weep in joy at the wonderful gift I had given him. The look of pure joy on his face when he received it was the greatest thank you I could have received from him, therefore I would like to sincerely like to thank you for helping me.

ENOUGH WITH THE NICETIES.

LOOK HERE ICHIGO, IF YOU EVER INSULT MY DRAWINGS AGAIN I SHALL ASK ONEE SAN TO COME AND KILL YOU. YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF APPRECIATION FOR SUCH FINE CULTURE AND ART AND YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO LECTURE ME, MUCH LESS SPEAK TO ME ABOUT THIS. TO BE UNABLE TO APPRECIATE MY AMAZING AND INTRICATE ART, YOU ARE DEEMED BLIND AND CLEARLY LACK A SENSE OF APPRECIATION FOR THE ARTS. YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY NOT BEEN EXPOSED TO ENOUGH ART WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG. MY ART IS DEEP, ABSTRACT YET CLEAR. ONLY UNCULTURED PEOPLE LIKE YOU CAN'T SEE THAT. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO POKE FUN AT MY HEAVENLY DRAWINGS, THINK TWICE. CONSIDER AND THINK ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD. DO YOU WANT ONEE SAN TO BE ON YOUR TAIL? DO YOU WANT TO BE CHOPPED UP BY PINK FLOWER PETALS? DO YOU WANT TO DIRTY THE HANDS OF THE GREAT CAPTAIN OF THE 6TH DIVISION? DO YOU WANT ME TO FREEZE YOU AND TRAP YOU IN ICE? HUH HUH HUH? NOW PREPARE YOURSELF. I WILL ONCE AGAIN ALLOW YOU AND GIVE YOU THE HONOUR OF GETTING A TASTE OF TRUE, FINE ART AT ITS BEST.

(\_/)

(")_(")

SEE. IT'S CUTE. IT'S ADORABLE. IT'S A WORK OF PERFECTION. A WORK OF PERFECTION THAT BLIND PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND.

Well that's all I have to say.

BYE ICHIGO.

With lots of love,  
Rukia

* * *

**Ichigo's reply:**  
You have no idea how far you are from the truth... (including the the drawing bit)


End file.
